I can't eat asparagus that looks like... children's fingers.

They also come in a box and sit next to the canned sardines at the Supermercado. I have never considered myself a queezy person but all of the sudden I am extrememly perceptive to food that is not "normal" (by my American standards). A few examples are unrefridgerated milk, egg yolks that are orange instead of yellow, tuna on pizza, bacon that stays pink even after you cook it a solid thirty minutes, etc.

I also forgot how obsessed this country is with Jamon. The massive legs of Jamon dangle above your head like Christmas decorations as you browse the meat/produce department, you glance at a can of Pringles and of course it is Jamon flavored and my favorite, when you are playing pictionary at a bar and you draw a guitar, the spanaird next to you shouts, "Jamon!!"

I have never thought so hard as when I am grocery shopping at the Supermercado. Typically, I walk the aisles and try and decide what kind of food is feasible for me to try to prepare. Next I try and find the ingredients in probably the most inefficient, sporatic manner, backtracking and getting sidetracked, and everyother kind of track there is, before finding what one of the items. All the while, I have to consult my dictionary to see whether I am buying olives, (I accidentally just typed, "Olivia" ahhhh) or olives stuffed with anchovies. Also becuase I'm determined to know what things are in real prices, I use my phone to calculate the price from euros to dollars. "But how much is this reallllly..."

When I try and order something from the meat counter it is really excruciating for thsoe around me. Here's a typical scenario that happened yesterday:

me: I ..want ...you to cut... something ...for me.
meat guy: Okwhatdoyouwant?
me: I ...don't ...know. What... is... good?
meat guy: ajfkldsjflaskfhdasfhasklfhdsaklfhadsfhd
(fast spanish explanation where I catch some random words)
me: what?
meat guy: kajfklsjdflkasdjfklsajflafdklfjaljdsljflasjflsajfk
me: .............
(other customers begining to gather)
me: ok...that.
meat guy: what?
Old woman next to me: amnm,nmn,mnerm,buuimn?? mnmsdrrm chicha??
me: .................
Husband of woman to woman: wery!!!!uieyrKkuwy!!!!iuerywiQWeuwyriuyiu!!!!!
me: ......un momento. (and then I suddenly remember I wanted to try to be vegetarian this week.)

Alot of dishes here have meat as the main ingredient. I went with a couple girls to a restaraunt and my friend told the waiter she want this pasta but without meat because she was a vegetarian (she's actually a legit one) and this is what she recieved:

Mm, noodles, cheese and a box of tomato sauce!